Just for Laugh 2

An eight year girl gave her friend a birthday invitation card. On it she scribbled a note “Please don’t give me a pencil box!”.
A little boy said to his mother: “I feel unemployed. Do you have a job for me?”
A little boy said angrily:” I lost my gloves at school and couldn’t find them anywhere.” His teenager brother said:” Ok! Loser!”
After an 11 grade math exam, a boy said: “I shouldn’t have played soccer yesterday!”
“Do you turn on your computer with your left hand or your right hand?”
” My right hand.”
” Amazing! Most people have to use the on/off switch.”
A mother warned her children not to mistake her hair removing cream for a tooth paste. She further said:” I kept it way up in the bathroom cupboard because it’s poisonous!” Her 11 year old daughter commented:” Yes! We shouldn’t use it otherwise we’ll have hairy teeth!”
Q: Doctor Doctor I’m so ugly what can I do about it ?
A: Hire yourself out for Halloween parties !
Q: Doctor, doctor, I’m just not myself.
A: Yes -I noticed the improvement.
Q: Doctor, doctor, I’m worried about my insomnia.
A: Don’t lose any sleep over it.
Q: Why did Rapunzel live at the top of the tower?
A: Because she was afraid of depths!
Q: Why don’t skeletons exchange e-mails?
A: Because we have no body to do it with!
Q: Why do church bells never send e-mails?
A: They’d rather give each other a ring.
Q: What do you get if you cross a cat with a parrot ?
A: A carrot !
Q: What’s black and white all over and difficult ?
A: An exam paper !
Q: What do demons have for breakfast ?
A: Devilled eggs !
Q: Why don’t sharks eat clowns?
A: They taste funny.
Q: What do sheep do on sunny days?
A: Have a baa - baa - cue!
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q. What kind of car does Mickey Mouse’s wife drive?
A. A minnie van!
Q: How did the telephones get married?
A. In a double ring ceremony!
Q: Why was the police in bed?
A: He was a undercover cop!
Q: Why did mickey go to outer space? 
A: To see pluto!
Q: What do Snakes study in school?
A:…HISS……tory …. !
Q: What did the snake say to his ex-girlfriend?
A: “Let’s hiss and make up.”
Q: What did one mountain say to the other mountain?
A: Let’s meet in the valley